International Joke Day
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use, Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”
The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks’ vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”
The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
“I believe in America because we have great dreams, and because we have the opportunity to make them come true.”
– Wendall Willkie
“Freedom is never granted. It is earned by each generation.” – Hillary Clinton
“America was not built on fear. America was built on courage, on imagination, and an unbeatable determination to do the job at hand.”
– Harry S. Truman
“With freedom comes responsibility.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
National French Fries Day July 13
Exercise? I thought you said French fries.”
“What do French fries do when they meet after a long time? They ketchup.”
July 17, 1955
“The idea of Disneyland is a simple one. It will be a place for people to find happiness and knowledge. It will be a place for parents and children to share pleasant times in one another’s company; a place for teachers and pupils to discover greater ways of understanding and education. Here the older generation can recapture the nostalgia of days gone by, and the younger generation can savor the challenge of the future.”
– Walt Disney
National Ice Cream Month
“I go running when I have to – when the ice cream truck is doing sixty.”
– Wendy Liebman
“Ice cream – the great melter of all resolve.”
– Dr. Idel Dreimer
“It’s a great error to assume that ice cream consumption requires hot weather.”
– Anne Fadiman
“My head says, ‘Go to the gym.’ My heart says, ‘Eat more ice cream.’”
National Picnic Month
“How do you do? May I live with you? Accompany you on a walk in the park?
I’m a fine picnic basket. I’ll carry your lunch or a star-gazing snack if you walk in the dark.
It’s been quite a while. I’m a bit dusty now, but I’ve carried grand picnics, and I still know how
To gently hold sandwiches, cookies and pears.
I don’t mind the ants. I’m not scared of bears.
I’m a fine picnic basket. I’ll carry your food.
No matter the weather, I’ll be in the mood to serve you in style
As you happily roam through city or country far, far from home.”
– Amy Ludwig VanDerwater