Big enough to lose touch
Dan’s someone I used to chat up at an annual Halloween party neighbors of ours used to host.
The great thing about Dan was that he was the kind of guy you could talk to for more than five minutes without getting the feeling that you overstayed your welcome beyond the obligatory pleasantries and humble bragging. You could have an actual conversation. He was a good storyteller, and he was good at listening to other people’s stories.
Well, our neighbors who hosted the parties split up and wound up moving. Despite the fact that we lived on the same road, and I run by his house once a week, I haven’t seen my friend in more than 10 years.
Suffield’s a small town, but it’s big enough to keep even neighbors from bumping into each other.
There are people I would regard as good friends I haven’t seen in years. We exchange Christmas cards and like each other’s posts on Facebook and Instagram, but an actual face-to-face interaction is an arbitrary event that as the years go by seem more and more unlikely.
Part of the problem is that people tend to segment their relationships. We have our inner circle of family and loved ones who are required to interact with us; we have our professional community – the people with whom we are paid to interact; we have the people with whom we see at semi-obligatory events at the schools, church or athletic fields; we have that close group of friends with whom planning a dinner or event requires the careful calendar co-ordination that rivals military special ops missions; and then we have everyone else with whom we try to stay in touch, employing a variety of technological tools — cell phone, texts and e-mails, and assume that when we finally connect, the years of radio silence will melt way.
That doesn’t always work out.
It took a sold sign on Dan’s house for me to shoot an awkward text after 10 years to say, among other things, I should have called him to grab a beer before he left Suffield. He and his family are doing great in their new home and happen to live in the same metro area as my parents. I’ll have to be a little more proactive if we’re ever going to grab that beer.
We take for granted the opportunities for social engagements. We assume we’ll always run into friends in town because that’s what always happens. A discerning eye, however, will notice as children outgrow their activities and as we give ourselves fewer reasons to leave the house, that there are fewer people you recognize around town. As the so-called nest empties and people decide to move from Suffield, you realize you’ve become the nice, quiet older couple that lives down the road.
I just found out my friend Mark, whose daughter graduated from Suffield High School with my daughter, will be moving in the fall.
I have to make sure we grab a beer before he leaves Suffield.