Words Matter

I find it disturbing that it’s common for people in all walks of life to use derogatory, hurtful, negative and harmful words. Listening to the news, podcasts or reading newspapers or magazines, it’s common to read about someone using hurtful language.

I guess people don’t think their words matter. My father stuttered. My brother and I suspect he left school in the fourth grade because he was taunted and harassed. It’s not unusual to read about a middle or high school student attempting suicide or successfully completing the sad and tragic act because they were hazed, harassed, belittled, taunted or tormented by their peers.

I find it particularly disturbing when I read about our national leaders using derogatory, hateful, belittling, racist, homophobic, sexist language as a way to describe someone or groups that they don’t like or want them removed for their own reasons. I often hear people say that kids don’t understand these words. Of course, they do. Let me share a true story.

When I was principal in Suffield, I had a teacher ask me to come to her classroom immediately. It was very rare for this teacher to have a student discipline problem, so I went immediately to the classroom and found the teacher in the hall with a young boy. She said to the student, “Tell the principal what you called me.” He said, “I didn’t call you anything.”

By this time the student’s mother appeared. The teacher said again, “Tell your mother what you called me.”

Again, he denied calling the teacher a name. His mother insisted the boy tell her what he said. Finally, he said, “I called the teacher a bitch.” The mother was aghast and said, “Where did you hear that language? We never use that language.” The boy looked mom in the eye and said, “Dad calls you that all the time.”

This now humorous story points out that kids may not always understand the words we use, but they certainly understand the tone. They know when some things are said, it hurts. They use hurtful words on the playground when adults aren’t around. But today we find disturbing words being used by all kinds of leading figures.

Young people mimic adults. If it’s okay for so and so to use hateful words, it must be okay for them to use them. I know before I retired, we spent considerable time trying to dissuade kids from such language, often successfully, but not always. That concern is still relevant to teachers, administrators, and parents. Think before you speak. Young people take cues from you. Words do hurt!